Hotel Books — Nothing Was the Same

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Hotel Books — Nothing Was the Same

I chose to believe every word I was fed

and I thought the coals on my back were a product of the lack you left

when you stepped back and racked your brain for a reason to stay

but you could not seem to formulate any such thought in your head.

So you left with nothing more than a reason you kept silent

and my mind would riot stuck in self perpetuated mental violence and dreams kept private.

The amibition to fix this wish list of selfish misfit realist missions

contained within a vision of wishful thinking and sinking deep into a new bit of misproportioned emotions

leaking through a seeping truth constructed by my need to feel important

when you would look back and think of all the little things you regret.

I just wanted you think of me when you’d think back to all the things you regret.

I spent so much time convincing myself that the rest of this mess that I stressed

within this relationship was a product of the world’s oppressions

not my deep desire to be needed

and it’s hard to admit but I guess I’ve come to terms with the fact that I just want to be needed

and I convinced myself that I needed to be needed

and if that was true I would still be smiling like you still today, but for different reasons

I chose to dismiss the possible instance that the lips I love to kiss could form the words "good-bye"

and it was a simple lie, but I told it to you like the captain of a sinking ship

choosing to believe the bottom of the ocean was a better source of oxygen

It’s so nice and I still chose to believe I misinterpreted your dialect and everything you said about it.

Your diction and dietribe, posture, body language and connotations all pointed in the same direction

the selection of contingent messages postponed until further notice

because I was ashamed to admit the problem and pretend your happiness came from me, and that your happiness was important

but we aborted the sorted truths we once distorted when I saw the shape of your dress when you wore it

and that was enough until it wasnt

and that’s when you finally felt supported

So the others courted you and you mentally recorded and endorsed

the force perform of compliments you received came in

and you felt empowered enough to take your final bow

and find love within the arms of another instead of this heart of mine

and that’s fine because I would do the same and I would leave me

Not because I’m useless and not because I’m broken

Not because I’m sad and not because I’m worthless

but because I saw value in your smile and not in your values

and I’m sorry, and I love you

and that’s why I can finally sleep at night

because you are free and you can thrive

and I’m just happy I got to be a part of your life

I’m just happy I got to be a part of the journey that you call your life

and I finally feel fine cause I spent so long trying to change you

not realizing I was the one who needed to change

I was selfish to assume you loved me more than you loved yourself

even though I never felt the same

and there’s so many things that my selfishness tried to take away

but you were the one that was the hardest to watch walk away

but thank you for letting me be a part of everything you were building and creating

and finding truth in life and you were relating so much beauty

and I love you, and I’m sorry

thank you for letting me be a part of your journey

thank you for letting me be me

and thank you for setting me free

and showing me love

showing me love in its full capacity

Hotel Books — Nothing Was the Same